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Title: The Daring Adventures of a Tomato Pirate Captain
Author: yuffie_maybe
Genre: Romance, Humor, Adventure
Words: 3,134
Rating/Warnings: PG-13 for violence and language, also just to be safe really >>
Pairing: RomaniaxRomano, yep RoRo

Note: Unless you're on Atheros, the


Warning: I wrote most of this between 10 PM to 2:30 AM last night. But without further ado, here's the RoRo short (well not so short >w>) story I said I would write.

“Don’t worry young maiden, I’ll save you!” With this exclamation, Lovino grabbed onto a rope and swung fearlessly across the gap between the two ships. He did not fear falling, despite the fact that there would be nothing but air to catch him. Why should he when he was the greatest pirate captain this grand world had seen? Not that he needed anyone else’s approval, all he needed was the hearts of beautiful women from all over and the world could go screw itself. But that did not change the fact that he was an amazing pirate captain, praised and feared by both his allies and enemies alike.

For now though he had bigger worries, namely, saving that maiden whom he had heard rumors about, hearing that she was a captured noble from a rich family, from the clutches of true peril. And what true peril it was for who would he be facing but the most evil of pirate captains, one Francis Bonnefoy! That name was feared throughout the skies as the most treacherous, lecherous, and downright nasty pirate around. And of course, his mortal enemy.

He had no time for contemplation right now though, for he had a damsel to rescue! Swinging onto the deck of the other ship, The Magnificent Rose (more like magnificently gaudy he thought), Lovino faced his enemy. “Where did you put her, you wine-bastard?!” he yelled out at the perverted frog. “Ohonhonhon, my dear I know nothing of what you speak about,” came the smug reply.

“Like hell you do! Either tell me or I’ll make you speak!” Lovino exclaimed, brandishing his sword. The smug look on Francis’s face turned into a leer as he replied, “Well, I suppose you’ll just have to make me. If you can that is. I’m usually a top, I’ll have you know.” His face turning red, Lovino stuttered out, “Sh-shut up! God you fucking pervert! Let’s just fight already, damnit!”

And thus the fight was on. It was a blur of swords, a close match to be sure. But eventually, Lovino managed to knock away Francis’s sword and held the tip of his sword at his neck. Glaring him down he asked, “Now, I’ve bested you so tell me where she is.” Shivering like the coward he was under his usual conceited demeanor, his enemy squeaked out, “I-I hid them in my cabin! I didn’t touch a hair on their head I swear!”

His eyes narrowing, Lovino lowered his sword saying, “You better not have. And don’t try anything funny because I’ll be able to tell. Don’t fuck with me.” A leer. “N-not like that! Just-… I’m going ok?! I’m going to get my maiden, and then we’re going to leave and you better thank your lucky damn stars I have better things to do than kill you because otherwise I would have. Ciao, bastard.”

And with that he went down the stairs to the lower level where the quarters were. He easily located Francis’s quarters, it’s door being by far the most garishly decorated. He paused for a second before entering, feeling a bit apprehensive at what he would find. What if Francis had been lying and it was a trap? He wouldn’t put it past the wine-bastard. So, he kept his sword out, tense as he entered the room.

However, there was no ambush, merely a person sitting on a comfy couch. He couldn’t get a good look at them from this angle, but from what he could tell she had beautiful long black hair. She seemed to be wearing masculine clothing, but that was likely only from the fact that the wine-bastard had no decent clothing for women. Not wanting to scare her likely delicate heart, Lovino called out quietly, “My maiden, I’ve come to rescue you. You needn’t be afraid of that dastardly pervert any longer.

She seemed a bit surprised at his voice, if her body language was anything to read by. She slowly turned her face revealing an elegant nose, pert lips, and… an overall rather masculine face. But no matter, she was still a maiden even if she wasn’t the most feminine he had ever seen... And she was still very good looking, just in a more masculine manner. What surprised him was the Cheshire cat-like grin that crept on her face and even more surprising was the deep (way too deep for a woman’s) voice that came from her. “Oh my, it seems there’s been a bit of a mix-up here hee hee,” she said. “I’m no one’s captive I’m afraid. I’ve simply been using Mister Bonnefoy’s ship here as a means to get to my destination.”

He was flabbergasted. The rumors had been wrong? He questioned her, asking, “What? But I heard that there was a captive maiden on this ship… Surely that was you right? If it isn’t, what are you doing taking ferry rides a pirate let alone wine-bastard of all people? Are you crazy or just stupid?”

She simply giggled again in that oddly deep voice of hers, before standing up from the couch and turning around revealing her to be a lot… taller than him… And not only that but, either she was the flattest girl he had ever seen or she was in fact, not a she… “As you can tell, I am clearly not a maiden and considering my lack of bonds am not a captive either. As for my taste in rides, well I prefer not to take the military ships or an overcrowded public ferry for my travels so sometimes I get to my destinations using other means. Although you could more simply say I got bored.”

He was if possible even more stunned. She-no wait he- was just some stupid eccentric moneybags? What the fuck? So this was just a waste of his time? Well maybe not a complete waste, a small corner of his mind said. Even if she had turned out to be a he, he was still very attractive. And he could still take the noble with him, if only to keep him away from that pervert.

Decided, he broke out of his reverie and addressed the man before him. “Well either way I’m still rescuing you from that fucking pervert. He may not have done anything to you yet, but I wouldn’t put anything past him. So you’re coming with me, whether you like it or not.”

To his frustration, the other simply gave him an amused smile and walked a little closer, making Lovino realize the difference in their heights with a new light. God he was a giant (or maybe he just wasn’t that tall, but like hell he’d ever admit to that). The other walked even closer until he was right up within his personal space with no apparent regard for it and simply asked, “Oh? And may I know that name of my rescuer at the very least?”

He felt his face turn red and cursed it. Whether it was from their proximity or his embarrassment at having forgotten to introduce himself, he couldn’t be sure. Either way he took two steps back to give himself some space to breath. “Yeah of course. My name’s Lovino. And what’s yours?” He could already feel his suaveness draining out of his body as his embarrassment came to replace it.

He heard the noble giggle yet again, apparently finding humor in his predicament and he was about to tell them off when they replied, “Vlad. Vlad Bathory. I am most pleased to meet you.” And of all things the other man took hold of his hand and the kissed the back of it! Like he was the fucking maiden! And why was his face turning so red from it! It must be because he was just so angry at the other, yeah that must have been it. “R-right… Anyways, we’ve been dallying around here for too long, I bet that wine-bastard is going to try something to keep us from leaving! Grab your things and let’s go!”

He quickly turned around to hide the rest of his embarrassment. Why the fuck was his heart beating so quickly from that stupid display anyways? He wasn’t supposed to feel like this around a man. Hell he never felt like this around any of the women he had courted! Maybe that was the point that same infuriating voice from before said. He quickly shut it up and calmed himself down before turning back around to look at the other man. He saw that Vlad only had one bag and was surprised, having expected to have many bags filled with lots of useless junk only a noble would find use in taking.

He’d think about that later though, they really had to get out of there soon. So he gestured at Vlad to stay quiet, the other seeming to be enjoying this way whole experience too much. Cautiously he opened the door again, peering down the hallway. Seeing that the coast was clear, he grabbed the noble and ventured out. Suddenly he realized he had grabbed the other’s hand by accident and made to let go, but found Vlad wouldn’t let go. God damnit he didn’t have time to argue about this so he just kept going with them going up the stairs onto the deck.

Lovino looked around for Francis and found himself more worried when he couldn’t see that pervert. Still, it was best to just make a run for it. He gestured at Vlad again and took off, dragging the noble along, who still seemed to be enjoying this way too much. As they neared the edge of the ship he noticed that while the rope he had used to swing over, but definitely hadn’t accounted for having to carry a passenger larger than he was. Crap.

When they reached the side of the ship he turned around and looked at other warily. “You’re kind of bigger… than… I was expecting when I was planning this out…” he said, not really sure what they were going to do now. So when suddenly Vlad picked him up with one arm he couldn’t help but yell out in surprise. “Wh-what are you doing?!”

The noble looked at him curiously, “I’m improvising since it seems you can’t carry me like you’d hoped.” Lovino sputtered, “Of course I realize that, but I just-!” He stopped when he realized he really couldn’t think of anything better. “You sure you can really swing across like that? It’s a long drop for us both if you lose your grip or miss.” A smile appeared on Vlad’s face. “I’m glad you’re worried about me, but don’t worry I can do this.”

And before he could protest further, the noble grabbed the rope with his free hand and took a running jump off the ledge sending them soaring through the air. He heard himself yelling, suddenly feeling himself completely out of control of the situation which terrified him. Honestly, he never should have decided to do this, what the hell had he been thinking?!

When he felt them reach the solid wood of his ship he felt himself give a thankful sigh in relief. And then immediately he called out looking up at Vlad, “Okay we made it you can let go now!” However, he was curious when he saw that the noble was preoccupied by looking at something else. Wondering what it could be he realized that it was Francis again, but this time with the rest of his crew on the deck of his fucking deck. Shit he knew he had taken too long to get them out of there. And even worse, they had seen what had just happened. Oh god he was never going to live this down was he.

That is if he lived at all. Taking action he put two fingers into his mouth and whistled a long sharp note. Quickly enough his own crew appeared around them. If the wine-bastard wanted to take it this far then he could too. He elbowed Vlad into letting him go and stood himself up, brushing his clothes off and moving forward a little in front of the other. “You really want to get your ass kicked again in front of your whole crew this time, wine-bastard?”

With that stupid smug smile Francis replied, “Oh, but I don’t intend for that to happen. I let you win before, this time is for real. En garde?” Lovino rolled his eyes and replied, “Yeah whatever, we’ll see who wins. Let’s just get this fucking over with already.” And at that signal, the two crews got into an all our brawl. Fists were flying, swords clashing, and at the back of it all was a noble who didn’t appear to be enjoying himself much anymore. In the meantime, Lovino and Francis had gotten into their own fight.

Strangely enough, Lovino found himself having a much harder time than he had had the last time. Perhaps it was because he was more tired, but more likely it seems that the bastard really had been holding back earlier. It didn’t matter though, he would beat him anyways. Their swords were clashing back and forth, none giving any ground to the other. This kept going until Lovino mistepped and lost his balance, giving Francis an opening, slashing his arm. He stumbled back, clutching it and glaring at his enemy. He didn’t have time to recover though as he was forced into defense, blocking the continuous strikes and having to walk backwards as the blonde advanced on him.

A sneer now on his face, Francis taunted him calling out, “Not so tough now are you? It’s too bad this will have to end here and now…” Struggling now to keep up with his injured arm, Lovino growled out, “Shut. Up. I’m not going down so easily you bastard!” But he could already feel himself slowing down and it was getting harder to avoid the strikes continuing to come at him. He wouldn’t last much longer at this rate…

When he felt his back hit the side of ship he knew he was done for. Fear gripped him as he felt his end would soon be nearing. But, suddenly he heard a voice call out, “Francis!” For a moment they both stared at the speaker, but then he continued, “I employed you to take me back to Cheelur did I not? I didn’t pay for you to be getting into fights with other pirates along the way.” At the sound of his voice the fighting seemed to die down as they all stared at the strange individual.

Vlad kept speaking. “Unfortunately I’ll have to cancel our agreement.” There was a moment of silence before Francis chuckled. “I already had realized you would do that monsieur when you appeared on this ship. You seem to have forgotten though that I am a pirate. I will take what I want when I want.” And he looked back down to finish the job, but blinked when he saw no one was there. In his moment of hesitation, Lovino struck, striking the hilt of his blade against the back of his head. He caught the unconscious body and glared at the rest of the opposing crew.

“Anyone try anything and your captain here is dead.” They seemed cowed by this and he watched as they returned to their own ship. Maybe he shouldn’t have let them live, but damn it he hated getting blood on the deck of his ship. It was always such a pain in the ass to clean.

When they had all left he tied up his stupid enemy’s unconscious body and had his crew take him below deck. He’d probably ransom them their captain back, he was a pirate after all. And now there was one more thing to deal with…

Lovino walked over to the strange noble and grudgingly said, “Thanks… For, you know. You saved my life with that stunt, when you didn’t need to. I owe you one.” At this, an unidentifiable expression crossed the other man’s face before settling back to his usual smile. “Well that’s fine Lovi. I just have two small things I’d like in return and I’ll consider us even.” Lovino blinked, two things and that was it? That wasn’t so bad… So he replied, “Alright, what do you want, treasure?” Vlad giggled, “No, the first one is for you to take me back home to Cheelur, that’s where I was headed before all this business.” The brunette nodded. “I can do that, what’s the second favor?”

There was a bit of a pause, leaving him wondering what it could be before the noble finally said it. “It’s simple really, I want a kiss.” Lovino felt his face get hot, “Wh-what?! What kind of favor is that?” Vlad laughed lightly at that, replying, “I never said it was a favor, you did. Are you going to go back on your word?”

He took a deep breath and looked around to see if anyone was watching. “Fine…” And then he pulled the weirdo down and pecked his cheek. “Happy?” The noble grinned at him, saying, “Almost,” before leaning down again kissing him on the lips. It was a brief kiss, but it sent sparks flying through his body. So when Vlad pulled away, he grabbed his head and pulled him back into another kiss. It was passionate, it felt so right. He-… heard someone yelling at him. Who was yelling at him at a time like this? So he ignored it focusing on the kiss, but the yelling was getting louder now.

“Romano! ...Romano! ...Wake up!” He groggily opened his eyes and sat up, clutching his head. He glared at the intruder. “What the fuck do you want?” It was that pot-bastard bothering him again and god he reeked. “Ah, Romano, I was just up on the deck, when suddenly I got so hungry! And you make good food, right?” Angrily, he cut the other off, “Listen, it’s late and I’m not making you anything until the fucking sun comes up. Leave me alone until then.” He glared until the other left the room.

In the silence of his room, he finally thought back to his dream. Oh my god… He had been reading one too many romance novels. And then his love interest being… that weirdo? He felt like smacking his head against a wall repeatedly. God he really was going insane. Stupid pseudo-vampire bastard. Invading his dreams. Next time he saw him, he was going to get it. With those last thoughts in mind, he felt himself drift off to sleep again. Yeah… next time…

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